Aubrey turned two this week! It was a very exciting time for all of us. JD and I are both feeling a little sad that our little girl is growing up so fast. We took her to Chuck E Cheese on her birthday and we had a conversation in the car on the way home about how much fun she had. JD said to me " I think she will have alot more fun when she is older. But I don't want her to get older. I'm ok with her staying this age forever." How sweet. He sure loves this little girl.
She is growing so much everyday. She is always learning new things. It is amazing how much children hear even if you think they are not paying attention. HAHA. We will be talking about something when she is in the other room and she will come out and repeat something that we said. LOL. Of course we think that everything she does is cute even if it isnt! It is amazing how strong a persons love is for their child. I love her so much that it hurts sometimes.
We had Aubrey evaluated by early on because we were concerned about some issues we have been having with feeding, grooming, etc...I was getting to the point where it was getting so frustrating for her to act like it was hurting her so badly when I brushed her hair or anything else...I was starting to question myself as her mother. I was thinking that I am just a bad mother and that is why it was like this. My daughter does not trust me to even change her diaper. I was so down about it that I finally said I have to think this through. So I did. I thought about all the issues we were having, and also had some help from a very wise person, and I realized that it was a little more than my parenting or her trusting me. I called and got set up for an evaluation.
The evaluation shows that she is doing exceptionally well in most aspects of her developement. Her fine and gross motor skills are great and they were really impressed with her vocabulary. She does talk a ton! But based on the checklist that I completed and the things that I told them they found that she does have some tactile sensory issues. She is not 50% delayed in anything so she does not qualify for special education which therefore eliminates her from being able to work with the early on Occupational therapist. So we had to get a referral from her pediatrician.
When I took the report to her pediatrician she treated me like I was crazy. I had to fight with her to get a referral. After telling her that we will go days when all Aubrey eats is applesauce for two or three days in a row...she tells me that she finds that hard to believe because she is growing. With all the other issues she tell me that she is being a normal two year old. Nevermind the fact that she has a written report in front of her that confirms sensory problems. I actually had to bring the fact that I have a nephew with sensory integration disorder and I am seeing some of his behaviors in Aubrey up in order for her to believe me. I said that and she completely changed her tune. So in the end I did end up getting the referral.
I have been having other people tell me that I need to stop trying to make Aubrey have problems. She is a normal two year old. I need to stop worrying so much. I need to just do this and do that. How can a mother just stop worrying about her little girl? I do not know how to not worry. She is my world. If she gets hurt my heart shatters into a million pieces. I have also been told that I should just not talk to people about what is wrong with her because nobody is going to understand. I don't feel that this is anything to be ashamed of. Same as if she was born with a major disability.....I would have no reason to be ashamed of that. She is still my little girl and I love her just the same no matter what.
To be told that she does have sensory issues does not make me feel good. I know that she is going to have a rough go of it and it is going to be alot of hard work. But is ignoring the problem going to do any good for anyone? Yes it does make me feel a little better to know that it is not me. To know that it is not just that she does not trust me. I now know that she cannot tolerate these things physically and it is not that I am doing anything wrong. But I did want to hear from early on that she does NOT have any issues and she is a completely normal two year old. I know that this is not a severe diagnoses but there is still the reality that she is going to have more problems than any normal child. It breaks my heart to think about the fact that we are going to have to take her to therapy every week and that yes she could need extra help when she reaches school age. To know that something that I do everyday as a normal part of life such as hairbrushing is actually causing her pain. It is a terrible feeling.
It is interesting how you have an amazing support system and then when you find out that your child is not perfect you feel all alone. Your support system is all of a sudden no longer there. It is hard enough being a parent....but to be a parent of a special needs child and to be all alone with no support system. Don't get me wrong...I have a ton of support from our brother and sister in law but they are in a different state. They can be there for me somewhat but not the way they would like to be. JD is being wonderful about this as well....but while he is at work and I am at home with Aubrey working hard to make things better for her....who do I have?
Anyways, this started off as a post about Aubrey and turned into something else. I will have to post all about Aubrey later.
